This is something that happened last year. I was really looking forward to going again this year, but what are you gonna do? Viruses be virusin', yo.
It's called the Forge-In Blacksmith Art & Renaissance Festival and it's been going on for over a decade and a half in Fitchburg. It's cancelled for COVID reasons, so I figured I'd finally get around to sharing it and remembering the good, old days of late September 2019.
 |
| Look, no masks! |
It's your typical looking festival from the outside. You get your barricades, your crowd of people, and your smell of burning coal in the air. It's when you get inside that you see what sets this festival apart: Nerds.
Seriously, there's every kind of nerd here. There are horse nerds:
 |
| Neigh-ERDS! |
Blacksmith nerds:
 |
| The guy on the left is either ripping a bong looking at a knife. I honestly don't remember. |
Jousting nerds:
 |
"That's Lady Nerd of The Seven Hills, to you, peasant! Also, my hair is BITCHIN'!"
|
Height nerds:
 |
| "We're also statue nerds, dick." |
And even hot nerds:
 |
| Her boyfriend still prefers playing D&D to having sex with her. |
So, the nerds were to be expected. It's a renaissance fair, after all. What I wasn't expecting was how much fucking fun it was going to be. You'd have to drive for an hour to see all this jousting and blacksmithing back east. Out here this shit was right down the street.
It's not all about dressing up in clothes that would have never been seen in the actual renaissance, though. It's also about buying shit!
 |
| To be fair, it's all high quality, independently created, cool shit, though. I bought some. |
The real fun started with the fighting. That was when the jousting and horse nerds decided to settle their differences with swords.
 |
| There can only one king of the renaissance bros, bro! |
So, they start fighting and they're all like KA-CHING!
And they're all like KA-POW!
And they're all like...
... Sorry, and they're all like...
DUDE, DOWN IN FRONT! WHAT THE FUCK!? Jesus, there's always one guy in a champion shirt who stands in front of everyone else!
 |
| Right up to the caution tape with people clearly sitting behind him. Ass. |
Well, since the rest of shots were ruined by someone still trying to relive that one year when someone else won a championship, I'll have to jump ahead to when the chick with the bitchin' hair got her sword knocked out of her hand.
She was on her knees and she was all like, "Sword me, bro!"
 |
| She was also clearly kneeling in goose shit. |
Then someone ran in from out of nowhere and he was all like, "I gotchu, fam!"
 |
| "Please ignore the fact that I'm wearing jeans. My character is a time traveling page, or something, I don't know." |
But alas, the battle was already decided. The woman was bested and begged for her life. Renaissance Bro agreed to spare it, so long as she acquiesced to his demand of rubbing her bitchin' hair.
 |
| BOOP! |
It was pretty cool. There's a lot to be said for a city that lets one of its parks get taken over by horse shit and open flames for a day. I'm also pretty sure I'm going to become a blacksmith hobbyist. I mean, just look at all the cool shit they get to fuck around with:
 |
| The lawn chair is period, too. |
On top of all that, if you say that you don't want to own an actual Acme anvil, then you're a fucking liar!
 |
| The best cartoon coyote protection you'll ever need! |
Hopefully things will be back to normal next year and this thing will return. If not, I'm going to have to ride down Main Street on a horse and poke people with my lance and no one wants that.
Comments
Post a Comment