The Bigfoot/COVID Chronicles
|"I'm gonna GIT YA!!"|
Okay, it's a brand new month and this is when I'd normally be sharing a brand new post on the odd and paranormal. In fact, there should have already been a post on personal stories about Route 81 and Rehoboth to read. Well, that's still coming, but the fact is that the entirety of Slightly Odd Fitchburg has COVID right now.
We made it three damn years into this pandemic and thought it was going to be a clean getaway. Well, here we are. Most things ache and everything else tastes like copper. It happens, I guess.
Anyway, I'm not one who likes to keep people waiting, so here's something I came up with: The Bigfoot/COVID chronicles! If you don't follow Slightly Odd Fitchburg on Facebook then you're missing out!
We like to take long hikes in Central Massachusetts and use them as an opportunity to pretend to be Bigfoot hunters!
Now, none of this is meant to be taken as real. It's also not meant to be mean spirited in any way. It's just a little bit of fun to have while Archer swims in a creek and I try to encourage people to check out their local nature walks.
If you don't like it, that's perfectly fine. It's not exactly what this whole thing is about. I just think it's a bit of good, clean fun that anyone can enjoy, regardless of COVID status.
If you do like it then join us on Facebook! I'm always posting silly things like this, as well as reviewing haunted restaurants and food truck rally wait times!
Hopefully this whole virus coursing through my veins thing will be over sooner rather than later, but for now, here you go! These are posted right from Facebook, so they're pretty short, but in the order they came out. I'm sure you can catch the point where they really ramp up! Enjoy!
The Bigfoot/COVID Chronicles
Dunn State Park
|"Dunn" THAT before!|
I hate to be that guy, Dunn State Park , but come on! I just finished a hike through your trails and I didn't see a single Bigfoot! This is really becoming a recurring theme and I'm sick of it.
Do you have easy trails? Yes. Do you have a lovely pond? Yes. Do you have a helpful stretching area? Yes again. But I ain't 'bout that noise, yo!
I expect to interact with a mythical creature on my next visit or I'll be forced to insist on speaking to management until the problem is corrected!
|You may remember this from the full post on Redemption Rock!|
Finally, a glimmer of hope in my search for the elusive bigfoot at Redemption Rock! What would have been an otherwise uneventful walk over narrow trails in a heavily wooded and secluded area just seconds from a main road took an exciting turn!
|Heavily wooded AF!|
Modern science tells us that trees broken in this manner can ONLY be the work of a Sasquatch!  And these trails are full of them!
|No other explanation is even POSSIBLE!!!|
While other people may see this often overlooked hike as the only way to get a much more natural experience then most others have to offer, I see the truth! This is where Darryl lives and I'm going to find him!
|Even the tree roots are a type of cryptid here!|
I thought I was lucky to find evidence of Bigfoot on my last hike, but it was nothing compared to Mount Pisgah Conservation Area!
I can now say, with 100% certainly that I'm currently on the trail of two individual Bigfoots! Just look at those bent trees in the first two evidence photos: Bigfoot!
|Seriously, I called Science and asked them!|
See that lumber in the fourth photo? That's Bigfoot firewood! He chops it down there and then goes to practice his art in photo five!
|This lumber! Stop being blind!|
Those flat rocks in photo 6? That's the stage where he pretends to have concerts and lip syncs to Brittany Spears, like I totally would if I lived in the woods! You're just that serenely alone in this park!
|I'll Karaoke the HELL out of this rock!|
And finally we come to the last bit of evidence in the last photo. I'm no scientist, but I hypothesize that that's a scary tree haunted by dead Bigfoots! Boom! Mind blown!
|Probably the most conclusive evidence thus far.|
I don't know about you, but I believe my evidence is rock solid. Don't think you can just go to on this hike in Town of Berlin, MA and find him yourself! This is NOT a casual hike on every path. Everything just goes straight up!
|Those ten feet took six hours to climb.|
My search for the elusive Bigfoot has finally come to this. I've searched high and low. I've investigated such far flung places as Willard Brook, Redemption Rock, and Mount Pisgah and turned up empty handed each time. I simply can't think of any other place on Earth he could possibly be hiding.
Then it hit me! Bigfoot is on the moon! That's the ONLY possible reason that I can't find him, and that's a scientific fact!
|*Weary "Nye" Sigh*|
I hurried down to the Fitchburg Public Library, MA and borrowed their Orion Starblast Altazimuth Reflector telescope. Yes, the library has a real telescope that literally anyone with a library card and photo ID can borrow for free!
I think the evidence I captured speaks for itself.
The first hiding spot I investigated was Saturn. Yes, it's blurry, but Bigfoot hunting hasn't been the financial windfall I was expecting and it's the best I could do. Either way, I feel that this planet is simply too far for the creature to travel on foot.
|Hey, I used to drive you!|
The next destination was Jupiter. Now, while I don't believe Bigfoot could possibly survive on the planet, the moons are a different story. You can see two of them and I think they offer great promise.
|Check out the satellites on THAT celestial body! DAYUM!|
Finally, my main area of interest! Just look at those craters. They'd make a perfect living space for a Sasquatch! He may also have repaired the NASA moon rover to use as transportation of some kind. That would explain why I couldn't find any footprints!
|Not the first image of a full moon I've published, but certainly the most legal.|
I'm only in the beginning stages of this new investigation, but I'm hopeful. If any of you are willing to heed the call of Bigfoot, don't forget about the local library. They have many tools available for free to any members. Good luck!
That's It, I'm Sick, It's all I have
So, that's pretty much it. Let me know in the comments if you enjoyed this sort of thing or tell me off if you hated it.
You can also seek us out on Facebook for more or read about some more serious subjects like The Great Worcester Airship Hoax, Joseph Palmer and the Beard of Justice, The Many Hauntings of the S.K. Pierce Mansion, or even Lucy Keyes, or Blood Town Forrest. It's all right here on Slightly Odd Fitchburg for your free reading pleasure! Explore the entire site and let me know what you think of it in the comments! It will give me something to read on my deathbed!
Oh, and don't forget to check out my latest post on the Haunted Hawthorne Hotel in Salem. It's a real hoot!
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